Fear can break you… If you let it.
I sit here looking in my rearview mirror wishing I had made different choices, especially for the sake of those I dearly love.
I was afraid they would get hurt, afraid we wouldn’t have a relationship as they grew older, afraid of rejection, afraid you might judge me, afraid of failing and not being enough…
the truth is... in trying so hard to protect them I ended up controlling them and it hurt them.
the truth is... we are working at trying to recover an authentic relationship as they make their own decisions and mistakes and learn from them, just like I have to.
the truth is... I have been deeply rejected by key people in my life and it has been painful.
the truth is... you have judged me and, that too, has been painful and a challenge to overcome.
the truth is…I have failed more times than i can begin to count and i will time and again. not because I want to, simply due to being human.
the truth is... I am not enough. I wasn’t meant to be their enough, your enough.
Guess what...it was not the end of my world. I am still here, learning and growing just like the rest of you.
fear can be helpful in its proper place. it warns us of danger.
left unchecked it becomes a dictator. a master.
the trick is learning to discern between warnings and the ones that want to control you.
the ones that make you want to control others.
I am continuing to learn to break through my fears by leaning into the “what if” and not just looking for the negative side of it but working through it if it happens.
“what if”... there are richer relationships as you allow them to make their own decisions and love them through the learning?
“what if”... there are fulfilled dreams and successes waiting for you as you engage the work
I choose to keep breaking through the fear before it breaks me and those I love. will you?